Real Talk, Real Honesty

89 Replies

This post is kind of heavy. Grab your mug of coffee and proceed when you’re ready…

Last Summer I was involved in an incident that really shook up my world. What should have been a typical night out with friends turned into an absolute nightmare. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get into the details of the situation on my blog. It is something I’ve been torn on; part of me is afraid of opening up to, well, the many strangers that read this blog, yet part of me aches to reach out to so many girls my age in hopes they never get put in the same position. After the incident I was in a state of shock and dealt with it the way I have always dealt with crises. My emotions erupted for about 24 hours and then I forced myself to return to normalcy. You never would have even noticed on my blog, because I forced myself to cover it up. The morning after, I somehow convinced myself that I was supposed to move on. I had library books that needed to be returned. I had lunch plans with a friend. I had to go to the gym. I quickly realized that I needed to stop pretending like nothing was wrong, called out of work, and drove to my aunt’s house to be somewhere I felt protected.

I didn’t work for over 2 weeks and spent time with my family and friends who were an incredible support system. I can never thank these people enough for the care they gave me. I didn’t go downtown for almost month, but eventually felt ready. My anxiety while out was really high, fearing what could possibly happen again. Because of this, I drank quickly. And heavily. To not be scared anymore. To forget what had happened. To dismiss the flashbacks. It started to become a problem.

Looking back on the past six months, I’ve realized that no, I wasn’t heavily drinking most days of the week, but I was using alcohol as a crutch for problems, both big and small. Long day at work? Oh, a glass of wine will fix that. Stressed out about something trivial? A glass of wine can fix that too. I didn’t think that a glass of wine here and there really mattered, and that getting hammered on the weekends was anything out of the ordinary for a girl in her 20s. I’ve had some days when I woke up in a fog from the 2 glasses of wine at dinner, and some days when I feel horrible after acting like a wild college student. More importantly, when I think about all the time I spent doing that instead of focusing on the issues at hand and what I could do to resolve them, I’m bothered. That’s not the way to deal with things. The last six months have been full of stress, unresolved issues, and funky moods. I need to get back the happy-go-lucky girl that I really am. And I will. 

I recently spent some time with someone who reminded me that even though I have a really difficult time talking about my feelings, doing so helps, and it’s worth being pulled out of your comfort zone and opening up. So here I am (somewhat) opening up to you! Last week I made the decision to temporarily remove alcohol from my life to remind myself of the much healthier ways to deal with stress. I know exactly what I’m supposed to do, I was just taking an easy route before. No more of that. For 25 days, I’m living my life alcohol free. I’m spending the time focusing – on what I want career-wise, relationship-wise, and in life in general, and figuring out the steps to GET IT. I stopped drinking a week ago, and I already feel a difference in my overall mood, productivity, and clarity. I’ve also noticed I’m eating more healthfully and my workouts are much more energetic. I know several people who never drink and I’ve often wondered how and why they choose not to. I know that most people have a healthy relationship with alcohol, and even though I don’t think mine is out of control, I do think I need to check myself before I wreck myself. ;) So if you don’t think I’m totally wacky and you’ve actually read all of this, then join me on my journey over the next couple of weeks. Hold me accountable and I’ll tell you about how I’m stuffing my face with candy instead of alcohol and how awkward going out downtown is without a drink in hand. Yup, get ready for some funny stories.

xo.

What’s your drinking style? Ever feel the need to detox for a bit?

For those of you who abstain completely, do you have a reason?

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  • Erica Jordan

    Xtina!! I want to come there and give you a big old hug and never let go. Whatever it was you went through, you seem to have come out of it stronger than EVER and I am so happy for you. I’m here for you if you ever ever ever need to talk!! Love ya chickiee and keep your head up! You are an amazing, inspiring person! Thinking of you!! xoxoxo

  • Kristin M.

    Hey Peanut.. I went through the same thing when I lost my Dad to suicide in Oct 2011. I would fall apart, tell myself to suck it up, fall apart – repeat. I had a complete and total breakdown in April 2012 – Complete with FMLA-level leave from work. I’m forever changed but I can’t and don’t rely on alcohol to numb the pain – I deal with it. I’m finally back in therapy and I finally feel better about the direction my life is going in… Stay strong and I’m always here if you need me xoxo -Kristin m.

  • mariafalls

    I heart you so very much and I hope you know that you are in my prayers and thoughts and I’m here whenever you need someone to talk to. Big hug to you, my friend.

    Also, I 100% support you in not drinking alcohol – load up on the watermelon Jolly Ranchers! My husband and I don’t drink either both because of seeing how it affected our fathers, who were both alcoholics. We didn’t want to follow down that path, but sometimes, after a bad day, I just want a big pink girly drink and a cupcake. Good luck and please let me know if you need anything!

  • Kerr

    I absolutely feel the need to detox sometimes. The booze can get to ya. I hope this helps you. Thinking about you my dear.

  • Erin @ The Grass Skirt Blog

    First of all, hugs to you for sharing this with everyone. I’m so sorry that you’ve been going through a difficult time, and I just know that you’ll pull through it. If you ever need to get away for it all, you have a vacation home in Charlotte. :) As far as drinking, I’ve actually never been a major drinker. When I was in college, I was on medication for Lupus and could not drink because of that. Plus, there’s a history of alcoholism in my family. Lately, I’ve been drinking more wine than my body is used to and I could definitely use a mini break myself. And by the way, I think you’re a pretty awesome person.

    http://thegrassskirtblog.com

  • nancy

    <3 you.

  • Megan

    Proud of you for opening up on here and for admitting some of the things that you did. I know it’s so easy to just post happy things and go about your day. If / when you finally are ready to talk about what happened, I know you’ll be able to help so many girls out there! I know I am much more careful and am always telling my girlfriends to be, too. Love you!

  • Amanda Natale

    You are so strong! You’ll get through this! Praying for you!

  • http://twitter.com/countmycupcakes Brittany Dahn

    Christina, my heart is breaking to know what a hard time you have been going through. You are such a strong, amazing person. I hope you are enjoying your new job, it just seems like such the perfect fit for you! I think it’s great you felt like you could open up on here because obviously you have so many supporters and we are all praying for you!

    Removing alcohol from your diet will only bring good things. I have never been a heavy drinker, mostly because I have seen alcohol’s negative effects on family members and like waking up feeling refreshed, not hungover….plus I’d rather put those calories towards some cake or ice cream haha ;)

    PLEASE let’s get lunch soon. My family is in town this coming weekend but maybe next week??

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  • Sarah

    As one of the “strangers” that reads your blog, thank you for sharing with us. Tough events in our lives can be hard to share with those we are close with and even harder to share with those we don’t know at all. But as an avid reader of your blog, thanks for sharing with us. As someone who’s also been through a scary situation, tried to use alcohol to deal with the situation, and come out stronger on the other side, I’m here to say that you can do this! You’re in my thoughts and prayers!

  • Chelsey

    I’m so sorry that you went through what you did. People use different things to cope with issues – some healthy, some not so much. I’m glad you’re taking time for yourself to heal and really deal with life head on. I’m proud of you!

  • http://www.facebook.com/paige.springle Paige Newnam Springle

    Takes a lot of courage to open up about your problems, even more when its a traumatic event. If you decide to share, I’m sure you will be a help to others, but only you can decide when or even if it is right for you to share so much with the world. Regardless, you should be proud of yourself for all that you do to inspire others to be healthy and for taking the steps to get back control of your life. Wishing you all the best

  • http://www.facebook.com/sue.b.shearer Sue Brosnihan Shearer

    Christina, you are a brave young woman and I am so proud of you. What you are doing will not only help you but it will inspire so many of us to speak from our hearts. Hang in there and know that you are loved. Big hugs to my little cousin.

  • http://www.sistasofstrength.com/ Amanda @ Sistas of Strength

    Huge hug!! It sounds like you are right where you need to be. Yes, I used to be a huge partier up until I was in my mid twenties. I used to force myself to detox, usually after doing or saying something dumb. Rooting for you.

  • Nathan

    I’m not a big drinker myself, maybe 4 glasses of wine a month, sometimes not at all. I had my wild days, but alcohol has never really been important to me. If you have a glass of something else in your hand, besides alcohol and besides water. It makes a difference
    Of course your friends and your readers are going to be worried about you. And we’ll be curious too, human nature. Just keep this in mind, Christina, by writing what you just did, you looked it straight in the eye. It is irrelevant if you tell your readers where it all began. Your close friends and your close family knows. The rest of us don’t need to know the actual details. That’s up to you, but what is important is that you turned and faced it. You shouted from the virtual mountaintop, “I have a problem! Now I am going to kick it’s ass!” The benefits of doing that, well, you now, literally, have thousands of people that want to see you succeed.You are a good person, which shows through your blog and has attracted so many other good people that will be here in whatever capacity you need from us.

  • Jeff Amador

    Great post. I have recently been having lots of discussions with my best friend about the nature of our relationships with our other “core group” of friends, most of whom are still living in a state of extended adolescence. My best friend and I feel like we are tired of having the exact same kinds of interactions and conversations with these guys that we have had for the past 10 years. Nothing has changed, no one has grown up. My best friend and I are trying to move on into adulthood, but we feel like the only ones that are interested in opening up and delving into deeper topics than just sports/TV/ball-busting/etc. This may seem unrelated to your post, but I just wanted to say that it is nice to see people digging a bit below the surface and being open to talking about “real stuff.” I appreciate that you took the time to share your story and your thoughts, and wish you the best.

  • itzyskitchen

    Oh my gosh girl- I’m so sorry- I had no idea. I hope you’ve found someone really GOOD to talk to about whatever it is that happened. My heart is totally with you. You’re the best!!

  • Kelly Janowski

    I feel for you big time. Good luck on your journey.

  • Mary Wise

    What a powerful post! Thanks for sharing. You are an amazingly strong woman and will overcome this too! Stay strong and focused! You have a lot of people standing behind you, cheering you on!

  • Natalie Mason

    Girl you are really speaking to me in this post. I can relate so much. As you know I drink most nights because after a long day with my two year old lord knows I want a drink to relax. But I have been thinking the same thing as you lately maybe I use it as a crutch and need to cut back. I need to follow your lead. So proud of you and if you ever want to talk or detox- holla at me!

  • Jaycie

    Girl!!! My heart broke for you as I read your words having gone through a similar sounding situation while a student at CofC. Good for you for taking control and working on taking care of yourself. Alcoholism runs in my dad’s family and in my early to mid 20s I was a total party girl. I would drink to black out and didn’t remember a lot of stuff that I did or stuff that happened. I’d drive home and not remember how I got there. Finally I realized that I had to either stop or continue down a really destructive path. I don’t have a problem with alcohol and I still enjoy it, just on a much smaller scale or only one or two times a month. I don’t need it anymore to have fun and I don’t feel weird without a drink in my hand. Plus major bonus – I’m hardly ever hung over anymore haha. Thinking of you and wishing you nothing but good things!

  • Caroline Dalrymple

    Christina, you are so brave for posting this. I can’t imagine the courage it took to do so, and I know you will be happy you did. Now you have thousands of prayers and a support system bigger than you even know. :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=843855289 Lindsay Cotter

    friend, you are doing what you need to do. Sometimes we need to cleanse ourselves of our clutches to get to the real deal. We are here for you. Email me if you need anything. Prayer, venting, etc. xxoo

  • Jennifer Niemeyer

    You are helping so many people with this post. I am hoping that your 25 days gives you clarity. Alcohol is such a large part of our life and so easy to become the basis of our friendships. All things in moderation works just fine too but sometimes a break gives perspective.

  • http://twitter.com/yesiwantcake Katie Unger

    I am so sorry you had to go through something that forced you to NEED an escape like that. Everyone runs to something after a traumatic experience, props to you for identifying it and realizing it was hindering your recovery. Big hugs to you, mama.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Liz-Cariseo/1389000075 Liz Cariseo

    This post hit so close to home for me. I have always been a “brush under the rug” sort of girl when it comes to dealing with my sadness and worry. I know pretending it’s all okay is not the best idea but it made it easier for me to think? Regardless, I’ve learned that doing exactly what you’ve done, and with strangers nonetheless, is the solution. It’s scary putting yourself out there, and not just with m&m obsessions and siracha experiments, but with things that make you vulnerable. I hope you know your readers love you (and also apparently your feet) and will be here to support you through all things. Keep being great!

  • http://twitter.com/itslaurastreet Laura Street

    I’m so sorry you had to go through whatever you went through!! You seem like such a strong person, and it’s incredibly brave of you to even open up how much you did in this post!!

    You can have much more fun stuffing your face with candy :) I promise! I don’t drink much/at all because I can’t stand to loose that “feeling of control”. It’s something that has both helped and haunted me in life.

    Keep your head high girl!! You’ll get through it!!!

  • Snewtee

    Christina – I love your blog and want you to know what a breath of fresh air you are! I’m sorry for whatever happened to you last summer and hope you are okay. I feel all to often that while I don’t have a drinking problem “little breaks /detoxes” do me well. You have inspired me to take a break as well. I will join you in abstaining for the next 15 days…I look forward to reading your blog as always!

  • *Andrea*

    hope everything gets better. kudos to you for taking the step to make this decision and take care of yourself!

  • Birkley

    Prayers, thoughs and big hugs! Xoxo

  • http://lisalately.com/ Lisa

    Thank you for this post Christina. Your honesty is admirable and I know that opening up like this can help A LOT of people, especially when learning that alcohol can’t be used as a crutch for problems. I’ve been through that in the past (I was veryyy young when I went through this) and now I’ve learnt how to deal with things a bit better and obviously I transitioned to an ED but now I know I need to deal with the issues instead of using new things to cover up my anxieties and fears. Ah, this made me a little emotional ha. I completely support you in this decision! Big hugs to you right now beauty!xo

  • http://profiles.google.com/mollymoore323 Molly Moore

    What a great post, Christina! I love your honesty! Thinking of you and praying for your healing from the events of last summer…you can get through this!! I had the same realization about alcohol a month or so ago, and have been doing a bit of a detox myself…and it really does feel amazing! I didn’t think that I was strong enough to resist alcohol when out with friends…but honestly, it might be more fun to be the “sober” one and get to laugh at all of your drunk friends (and to be the one feeling great the next morning while everyone else feels like hell)! Cheering for you and sending you lots of love from NYC! :)

  • Anynoumous

    Good for you, there are always much better ways to deal with stress than resort to drinking alcohol. It’s extremely strong of you to also recognize that. I wish you all the best in all your adventures.

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  • Ann

    hi Christina, I have never left a message, but I’ve been reading for awhile (also a friendly Charleston-living girl!). I haven’t read through all the comments, but I wanted you to know that you are incredibly brave to share what’s on your heart in an open forum. That’s not easy! But I also know that when you reach out to others, you will usually find the amazing support you need to push through (and as you said, be held accountable…something about telling people makes me get into action!). I am an occasional drinker, but I have tons of friends who never drink and we still have an awesome time together because it’s not about the alcohol but about building relationships. I can tell you are a strong girl, you can do this! will be praying for you, much love! ann

  • SoFitSoGreen

    Amen girl! I too had a similar realization about a year back. No more wild weekends and hangovers for this one. No more weekday happy hours or glasses of wine after work. Now I see that it’s a maturity thing. I’ve decided to join the rest of the world that takes care of their body and enjoys the beautiful days for what they are and leave the nights to the college kids. I think the majority of us go thorough the “alcohol as a crutch” phase, for whatever reason. It’s SO good to stop it early because of how addicting that crutch can be. I am excited to read more with your new goals! Also- on deciding whether or not to share your story with your readers, as curious as we all are, we are here for you with optimism and support no matter what you chose :)

  • Nichole

    I am incredibly sorry to hear that something happened to you. You are such a beautiful, energetic girl that this breaks my heart. You are clearly bouncing back 110%, but you vent, talk, get support as needed. Really great you shared your story bc you know you are not alone.

    Christina, thank you for posting this. Beautiful to hear you continue to push on and challenge yourself in totally new ways.

    I need to give up sugar, that’s my crutch. Damn candy hearts.

    You’re amazing!

  • http://www.followingcs.blogspot.com/ Courtney

    What a brave and honest post. I’m inspired and I’m joining you on kicking alcohol to the curb for a month. I can totally relate to how it becomes a crutch. So sorry that you went through a hard time but glad you are in a better place!

  • Brooke Norville-Paarlberg

    You are awesome for opening up and sharing this with your readers! So many people struggle with finding the “balance” and I hope your detox month will help you find yours:) Sorry for what you went through! Life throws us hard times and can hurt a happy soul for sure. Glad you are finding yourself and staying strong! You seem like a wonderful person and I am cheering you on!

  • Sam @ Better With Sprinkles

    Whatever you went through, I’m sorry that it happened to you! And I think you’re taking an amazing attitude and approach to help you heal – alcohol does have it’s time and it’s place, but it can be used as a crutch all too often. I hope you’re able to heal and come out stronger from this experience. <3

  • Chelsea @ One Healthy Munchkin

    I’m so sorry about what you went through last summer. My heart truly goes out to you. But you’ve shown such strength in realizing your current issues and doing something about it to change – kudos! I hope taking this time to heal and take care of yourself helps. I’m here for you if you need anything!

  • http://www.facebook.com/snickerdoodle Alexis McConihay

    This is very brave of you to speak about what you went through. I, too, have recently ‘over-indulged’ with alcohol and completely had no recollection of the night before’s events. I am almost 30 yrs old (Eeek!) and I must make a change. it is hard though, when most of my friends are still wanting to drink as many shots as humanly possible every weekend. I am here, if you need a friend…. xoxo

  • julie

    dudeee this is insanely powerful. honestly so brave of you to come out about it :) lots of love your way! i’m always here if you need a good chuckle fest or to talk it out xoxo – PLUS i also think you need to come to new york to play!

  • Amy

    Sorry girl. I call that numbing. Been there done that. Hope everything is okay and that your dry month is just what you need!

  • http://twitter.com/LoveSweatBeers Tiff

    It takes strength to admit this to yourself, to write about it, and most importantly, to do something about it! Good for you. We’re all behind ya on this one.

  • Kelly

    Wow. Thank you for being so real and open.
    I totally 100% keep away from alcohol. I drank a lot in high school and college- probably to escape. I have a long family history of alcohol addiction in my family- so possibly I could have been heading down that same road. I saw my mom slip into alcoholism after my dad died in a plane crash. IT WAS HORRIBLE. It ruined her life and she even got put in jail for drunk driving. I refuse to drink out of rebellion to it. What it does to people, how it ruins lives. THERE IS NOT ONE GOOD THING it does for a single person. One day I was thinking about that- the pros and cons. There is NOT ONE GOOD THING it does…….it sucks the life out of people. It causes people to hurt more rather than fix the hurt you are trying to run from. It messes up families. It is a wrecker of LIFE.
    Thankfully my mom stoppped drinking after we confronted her. She is in a much better place. Other family members still struggle with that addiction. NOT ME. I will not let it control me or ruin me. I’d stay far away from it- ALWAYS. Find other things that help you cope. Prayer, God, family, exercise, reading. Blessings to you!!!!!

  • Emily

    Love you mamma! You ALWAYS have my support in anything and everything you do. While change can be good and needed, please don’t be too hard on yourself for past actions either. I look up to you so much and I know you’re capable of anything you really put your mind to. I know you will come out on top and I can’t wait to watch you thrive all the while. Call me lady!

  • Kelly Casey

    I’m really sorry to hear about your bad experience, Christina :( I think it was very brave of you to come forward and talk about your feelings toward alcohol as well. I think a lot of people our age don’t ever look at it as a problem, but I think there is a fine line sometimes.

    I’m not a big drinker, mostly because of my history with anxiety. I think some people drink so that they don’t feel it, but the thought of “losing control” that comes with drinking a lot makes my anxiety worse. I’m glad that you are feeling great since you cut back a week ago, I hope that you can find a good balance that works for you!

    xo

  • http://twitter.com/FoodieCycles Megan

    Hang in there and do what makes you happy and healthy… Sounds like you are on the right track! I had a wake up call myself-a stroke. I was always healthy with eating and working out but this scare made me realize life is too short to waste it. I don’t drink anymore because of the medication I HAVE to take- stinks but in a way I am thankful because I feel more alive than ever. I’ll be drinking the seltzer and lime with you at the bar anytime- still having way more fun than all those drunkards ;) stay strong. You’ve only got one life to live so make it what you want!

  • http://twitter.com/ATexasGal05 ATexasgal05

    I just wanted to say that I am so proud of you for talking and for realizing you were using alcohol as a crutch. Lots of love and hugs sent to you from Texas!

  • http://hominygirl.blogspot.com/ Laura

    Christina, this was a beautiful and courageous post. I’m happy to hear that you let yourself realize that whatever happened to you was wrong and not just something to get over as soon as possible. Disregarding pain can really mess us up, we all need to be able to say “i’m not okay, that’s not okay”, there is so much strength in that!!! How else can we heal? I can completely relate to the detox/drinking conundrum, I went through this shortly after college when I felt like I was living in a perpetual state of shame over my party girl behavior, i knew it wasn’t who i really am. As for my current drinking style, it’s a treat, just like chocolate. Some nights cake, some nights cava :) Alcohol is a true pleasure in my life, adding joy, laughter, and experience. But, I see how destructive it can be and I really do think that a detox can help you find where you really stand in your relationship with alcohol. I wish you peace during this time in your life, learning to deal with hurt will only bring good things- which you deserve! <3

  • Brooke Pulliam

    I have never been a big drinker. I cannot even remember the last time I got drunk. I do not like to not be in control of my mind and body. I like to be responsible for getting myself and my friends home safely. I do not trust anyone to look out for my best interest other than me. I guess maybe I am a control freak, but it makes me feel safer. I also have 4 children at home to think about…which is the main reason I rarely get out in the first place, but I do not like to drink at home either. I do not want my children to see that as an example. Though they do make me want to drink sometime ;) I will occasionally have a glass of wine at home when they go to bed, but then I just get sleepy. I have come to realize that I just dont care much for the taste of alcohol. I will have the occasional glass of wine or one or two beers, but that is usually the extent of it.

  • http://peaceandpizza.wordpress.com/ Taryn

    I’m so sorry that you had to go through something so awful, but I’m glad you’re dealing with it now. I actually gave up alcohol for Lent last year. It wasn’t easy. There were quite a few times during that period when I was around people drinking (like on St. Patrick’s Day), but I loved the way I felt when I woke up without a hangover on the weekends. I loved that I never had to worry about finding a ride home. If I didn’t have time to work out on a Saturday, it was okay because I wasn’t going to be having all those empty calories that night. I’ve gone back to drinking, but it’s so much less than I did before. I think this is a great thing for you to do.. good luck with it!

  • Alison McC

    You can do it! I just cut down to only a bottle of wine allowed on the weekend. At first I even cried one night (such a baby!) because I wanted a glass of wine after a hard day at work, but now I don’t even want the whole bottle on the weekend (Friday-Sunday). I find myself juicing instead!

    I can’t imagine what you went through downtown, but considering your feelings from the event- you are so strong to still move forward! It is SO hard to open up to we stranger blog followers, but many of us probably have similar experiences and all of us care. Thank you for being brave! Cheers (with my juice) to you! :)

  • http://twitter.com/TrainerPaige Paige

    First off, I am so sorry that you went through whatever it was that put you in this position in the first place. *biggiantinterwebzhug*
    Secondly, I, too, am taking a breather from alcohol. Not that I’m not having it at all, but for a while there, I’d have at least one glass of wine/beer every single night of the week. When I’d skip a day, I’d crave it. Turns out, when you drink often, you crave it often, and now that I don’t drink that much (maybe a drink or two on the weekends) I don’t crave it at all! Now, I’ll just have a glass of wine when I’m with a girlfriend, or a beer with Shane, instead of a jumbo glass while settling in to watch trash TV for the night.
    Good luck, Christina!!! Hope you find some clarity at the end :)

  • 01Sarena14

    You are such an inspiration Christina! Don’t feel badly because you don’t share the details. We all have things that we feel the need to keep somewhat private. I think what you said was perfect and the fact that you’re taking control of things to focus on you is exactly the way I would handle it. I don’t drink. Not because I have a problem with it (Tony drinks occasionally and I have friends that drink), but I’ve lived my life growing up around drunks. So many people on my side of the family drink to an unhealthy level and I DO NOT want to live that way. I will spare you the details. I know I have an obsessive compulsive personality, so I picked healthy things to do that with. That was my way of keeping the bad away. I feel for you and I hope you find peace with this. Big hugs to you my friend. xoxo

  • Elizabeth Hoskins

    Thanks for sharing your story! You are brave to open up about what happened to you. I completely agree that alcohol can be a crutch. A few years ago I gave up alcohol for lent. It was tough, but I felt like I had my weekends back! No more being hungover and not productive. This year for lent I am giving up alcohol during the week and I’ll let my self enjoy a glass or two on the weekends. Best of luck!

  • Lisa

    Be brave. Be bold. Be honest. You can and are doing all of these things. Your readers care about you….that’s why we all return to hear about you and your adventures. Write about it! Share it! People care :)

  • CindyGomez

    Thank you so much for sharing with us. This is an unbelievably honest and courageous post to put out there. I am so sorry for whatever happened to you over the summer.

    I can definitely relate on the alcohol and needing to detox. As much fun as going out for drinks can be, the feeling afterward is not worth it.

    It’s so great you came to this realization and figured out a solution for yourself. We’re all rooting for you and wish you all the best!

    XO.

  • http://twitter.com/KayeJoh Kaye Johnson

    hugs hugs!! ily! and i support your dry month…it’s better to act a fool when you actually remember what is it you’ve done…

  • Jess M

    So sorry for what you went through! It’s incredibly brave for you to put it out here and let everyone know you went through a rough time. Alcohol can easily be a crutch and it’s impressive that you realize that and are taking a step back. I hope find a good balance, figure out what you want, and start moving forward. First step is always the hardest.

  • http://twitter.com/southern_bel Annabel Jones

    After dating someone who I considered to be an alcoholic my relationship with alcohol changed. It can be very scary to watch someone you care about be unable to have a good time without a beer in hand. Ironically, the secrets he tried to keep hidden only became known to me thanks to multiple drinks. That’s the funny thing about alcohol; so many do it to forget but it makes it easier to tell it all.

    Now, I don’t drink very often. It doesn’t make me feel healthy when I do. I’m all for celebrating when the occasion calls for it but those moments are not as common as they used to be in college.

  • Luci

    Thinking about you Christina! It’s not easy addressing these things but I am proud of you for doing it. We are all behind you – praying for you and cheering you on!

  • http://www.ahealthysliceoflife.com/ Brittany (healthy slice)

    I’ll admit, I’m curious as to what happened, mostly so I can find out whoever is responsible and beat them into a pulp for you. But until then, I’m sending you a big virtual hug for your bravery in opening up and beginning to heal.
    I have a healthy relationship with alcohol (which I didn’t have in college- nothing serious, but typical college craziness). It took me a little while once I was in the ‘real’ world to get my act together, but now I really enjoy a glass or two (sometimes a little more) of wine. I respect people who don’t want to drink at all and think it’s a good self-check to do every now and again, but I’ve found that alcohol in moderation works for me.
    I hope you find the clarity you’re looking for! <3

  • http://thisitalianfamily.wordpress.com/ Rach

    So obviously I don’t know what happened, but I can tell you that talking it out definitely helps. I’m not saying that posting all the details to your blog is the answer, but just be sure that you are working through what happened with someone you trust. It sounds like you have a great support system so that’s amazing. If you ever need an extra listening ear… I’m just an email away. Again, I don’t know what happened, but I’m leaping to conclusions because my sister dealt with something that might be similar to what happened to you. At least the way you are talking about it and your feelings make me think of her situation. Whatever it was that happened, I’m so sorry you have had to deal with it!

    As for alcohol… I don’t drink for various reasons. Partially because it’s not good for my heart condition, partially because I just plain don’t like it, and especially because I have a hard time with self control. I don’t do “just a bite” of something or “just a sip”… if I enjoy it then I really like to down it. I don’t know what my “limit” is with alcohol and I’d rather not find out. The idea of being out of control of my own body scares me. For me, I’d rather abstain entirely than risk beginning an addiction that I would later have to break. I know that sounds a bit melodramatic, but it’s just always made sense for me.

  • http://www.TheTinyTerror.com/ Amy Lauren Scott

    Hey girly, I know I don’t know you that well, but it’s really brave of you to attempt this and to open up about your struggles with alcohol. I don’t know what happened and you don’t have to say, it is your blog so your right to talk about whatever you want, but you know in your heart if you should give up alcohol, cut back, etc more than someone else can tell you.

    I don’t drink much at all. I had one drink on my cruise vacation, I’ve probably had 3 drinks total in the past year. I just don’t really like it, and alcoholism and addictions do run in my family, so I prefer to stay away from it. I’ve seen the effects on family and friends, and it’s affected me in that way.

    You seemed like a pretty cool person at the Pajama Run so if you ever want to hang out or run or something, without the temptations of alcohol/downtown/etc just let me know.

  • Ali

    So I’ve read your blog forever and never commented, but today warrants a comment. Obviously, I don’t know the details but it’s really brave of you to even touch base on the subject of your experience this past summer and how you’ve reacted to it. I think it’s important that you did that, and as you can see by many comments below, you’re not alone. I (believe) something similar happened to me and I reacted in much the same way, only I didn’t come to turns with it until years after. I regret that. Reflection and honesty about it are the best medicine.

    Anyway, I’m prouddaya and think you’re swell. Carry on. We’re all here for you, as anonymous as that may sound.

  • AMIRA

    I think you’re going to have a blast going out and not drinking…. i do it all the time… yes the crazy drunks can get annoying….. but most the night they are so amusing!

    here for you! :)

  • http://soakandsimmer.blogspot.com Carly

    Next time I see you I’m going to give you a big hug. I’m so sorry for whatever you had to go through, it sounds awful.

    In terms of alcohol, I’ve found it’s my proximity to it that becomes the problem. We actually just cancelled our subscription to Wine Awesomeness. Always having bottles in the house made it more likely for me to just randomly drink. Even if it was only 1 glass a night, it was just too available.

    Hugs!

  • jeny

    Thanks for taking the time to share. As a recent Mom I can tell you… I went 15 mo without drinking and didn’t miss it one bit! I am proud of you for sharing and taking the steps to look forward. Your always an inspiration, but right now your a real inspiration!

  • Gwyn

    As a counselor, I found myself turning to a glass of wine each night to “detox” from my crazy stressful days (isn’t that normal for us 20-somethings?). I had a client suffering from alcoholism and one day I realized I couldn’t tell them not to drink to cope if I wasn’t willing to do the same. So, I stopped weeknight drinking 3 months ago and don’t drink much on the weekends either. So proud of you for making the choice and being willing to share it!! Hoping you find healthy ways to cope with your downtown nightmare and are able to find peace and happiness again.

  • http://www.confessionsofachocoholic.com/ Bianca Garcia

    I’m sorry you went through such a tough period.

    I’ve definitely cut back on drinking after adopting a healthy lifestyle, and I think you are making the right decision to abstain for a little bit. Good luck, and take care. Wishing you strength and happiness!

  • http://blondeambitionblog.net/ Katie @ Blonde Ambition

    Alcohol is a crutch that a lot of us use to cope. Not many people actually recognize the detrimental effects it has on their health, though, and more importantly their emotional health. I try to take a few days off during the week, and I don’t find myself craving it!

  • liz

    You can do this Christina! You are strong and smart, and will feel amazing after these next 25 days.

    My best friend is unable to drink because of a serious medical condition, and because of her i try to remain alcohol free. It is tough though and i do have a glass of wine every once in a while. But when i really think about why i chose to be aclohol free it makes it 100xs easier and i feel empowered not to drink. Find what is driving you inside and you will be able to do this no problem(: Good luck!

  • http://www.nourish-and-flourish.net Sara Stewart

    I’m sending you a huge hug, Christina. <3 You're brave to share this with us, and I can imagine that opening up and making yourself vulnerable required a huge leap of faith. Please know that I'm here if you ever need to chat. When I was living abroad in Mexico during college, something similar happened to me (if I'm reading into this correctly–I could be off-base), and it shook my world more than I initially realized. A year later, I finally sought help through counseling, which really helped. Opening up to family members and friends made a huge difference, too. Know that you can and you WILL be able to move on. It's not easy–or comfortable–but it's possible. <3

    I actually drink with extreme caution because alcoholism runs rampant in my family. I saw its effects growing up, and vowed to never let it happen to me. I had some crazy days in college, but now I always stop at two. Then I turn to chocolate, which is equally (if not more!) satisfying. ;)

    Love you to pieces. <3 xoxo

  • katie

    I’m sorry to hear this… I’m.pretty sure you’re talking Abt the same thing I went through in Peru 2 summers ago! And I was scared to drink for a while for several reasons :-/ I’m also constantly battling wt trying to be healthier wt the whole drinking less thing! Holy moly do I love margaritas though so its difficult:) Anywho hope all is well I’m
    sure well cross paths soon! :) ))

  • Lee

    Sorry to hear that you’ve gone through some difficult times lately. I’ve definitely gone through periods where I’ve had to take a long, hard look at my alcohol usage and make changes. I think the hardest part is really recognizing it, which you’ve done.

  • Ashley Henderson

    I think you’re incredibly brave for posting this. I understand how you feel, I used find myself turning to alcohol when I was overwhelmed with life. I had a moment of realization and now try not to drink on weekdays or when I know it’s because I’m trying to self-medicate. You can totally do this and you will feel great! Nothing wrong with curling up in bed with a good book or a movie and getting a good night’s sleep, no need to go out and be around others drinking if it’s tough :) best of luck!

  • Lucy Lesniak

    Love you XOXOX

  • Biz

    You are precious! Don’t stop talking about it and dealing with it, even if it’s just between you and God. You have to confront feelings/emotions in order to reconcile them. Great job on giving up the alcohol. It’s tough in social situations but will be so worth it! I go through phases of abstinence too just to recharge and gain a better perspective on the things that are important and the things that aren’t.

    Stay with it!
    Biz

  • Molly Maser

    Thank you for always being so open and honest with us! Some incidents that happen in life can shake us and I’m glad to see that you had a wonderful support system to lean back on, but this community you’ve built is a great support too. You’re getting stronger everyday and “we” are with you every step of the way!

    I stopped drinking heavily after I graduated when I realized that too many nights, the bf and I had just finished a bottle of wine (with dinner) at 8 pm. Now i drink in some social situations but a lot of times a perrier with some lime is a great and hydrating back up!

    I am trying to give up sweets, as you are alcohol, so I’m here with you! Thanks for all you do xtina!

  • Backpackbee

    I just had to comment on this post. It takes such a brave and commendable person to open up to complete strangers like you have. You are well on your way to really dealing with your internal struggles with emotions. You serve as an inspiration to ladies like myself and others all over the net reading your posts. Thank you for being so real and honest!!

    Life is going to be that much sweeter for you with a brand new appeal and outlook!

    Cheers to you my dearie!

    (Virtual hugs)

  • Kristy

    Christina – I know this post is a few days old, but I felt compelled to respond to it. I’ve followed your blog for about a year (I love your spunky attitude and great recipes! You always make me laugh while I read your blog at work!), I’ve never left a comment, but simply could not help myself this time. Without saying exactly what happened to you, your words are all too familiar to me. I reacted the same way, and went down a dark path for a few years before getting help. I wanted to let you know how brave I think you are, and how incredibly strong you are for recognizing what happened and taking action to help yourself. I bow to you:) You are one cool chick, missy!

  • Holly

    Christina, I mean Xtina ;) , you are SO strong (I mean, have you seen your guns?! :) ), I know you can do it. I love that you opened up too, such a different side, and so good to see. I’m thinking of you & you can always text or call me if you just need someone to talk to! I’m always here…I mean I am up at all times of the night! :)
    Hope you don’t mind my humor thrown in there!
    XO

  • http://www.facebook.com/manobillimahi Mano Billi
  • http://www.facebook.com/jenny.armstrong.397 Jenny Armstrong

    Sriracha not vodka is the new chant for this month. Let’s do this.

  • Mary Krulia

    When I read the first sentence when you originally posted this, I wanted to make sure I read it when I had the time to be there for you, meaning I didn’t want to quickly skim this post at work. So here I am, coffee in hand, and feeling for you. I don’t know what happened, but I think I can relate to what you went through. It’s easy to make alcohol a crutch. I’m so proud of you for being healthy and dealing with your issues with friends and family. It took me a long time and many mistakes to come to that conclusion. Anyway, sorry for the late comment. I know we don’t “know” each other in person, but I still consider you a friend…and a freaking amazing person/blogger/workout-er/baker/cook/etc.! ;) I’m here for you, and judging by the previous comments, it seems like you have quite a few people who have your back :)

  • http://www.icouldbeordinary.com amanda

    ugh. it’s difficult to be strong sometimes. like when you just want to curl up in a ball and weep and feel sorry for yourself. perserving is not an easy feat, my love. and i give you credit for doing just that! you’re strong and powerful and you crack me up! xoxox

    i gave up alcohol for lent last year. ONE.OF.THE.BEST.THINGS.I.EVER.COULD.HAVE.DONE. like for real. it was so freeing. and it wasn’t hard in the least! i did it because i needed to for the time being. alcohol was causing me to make stupid decisions and i had gotten myself into a situation because of it. i’ve come a longgggg way since then. i was going to give it up again this year, but i’m in a completely different state of mind and didn’t feel the need.

    GOOD LUCK!